21 Things To Look For In A Partner For A Healthy Relationship
Find a partner who shares your goals, passions, principles, and worldview.
By Harini Natarajan, Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner •
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Finding a perfect partner is not as easy as it may sound. But, unlike the old times, people do not just look for “tall, dark and handsome” or “bold and beautiful” partners. Other than their physical appearance, there are several other things to look for in a partner. A perfect relationship needs more than shared interests and feelings. It’s also not necessary to look for a person who is “as equal to you” because diversities are resources that help both partners complete the relationship itself and improve each other. Two people who are too similar will tend to act the same way and make the same mistakes. So, it’s crucial to be open to learning from one another. When choosing your partner, the outlook towards life, life goals, and personal preferences are all factors to consider. For a relationship to be happy and healthy, you need to be careful. Here, we have curated a list of 21 essential traits to look for in your partner. Keep reading.
21 Important Things To Look For In A Partner
1. A Good Character
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“Goodness is about character – integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people.” – Dennis Prager
A person with a good character has their own set of beliefs and values, and they always stick to them. This makes them dependable and reliable. Such people will fight for what they believe is right. Having a partner with integrity will help you become a better person. They will stand by you to fight for your rights, support your goals and dreams.
Quick Tip
A person with a good character is self-aware and always willing to learn and grow from their mistakes. Such people can help create a great foundation for a strong and stable relationship.
2. Respect And Kindness
“Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for a person – their abilities, qualities, and achievements. Respect is crucial for a healthy relationship as it deepens the bond. Such partners respect your boundaries, encouraging self-esteem and dispelling insecurities.
While it is normal to have disagreements and conflicts, it is important to be respectful and supportive of the other’s points of view. A respectful partner takes the time to understand you and consider and value your perspective and opinion. Their kindness and sensitivity make you feel valued and loved. This is fundamental for a long-lasting relationship.
3. Shared Core Values
Similar core values are crucial for camaraderie and give you the strength to get over the stumbling blocks in life. While you and your partner may have different shared values and interests, core values like religious or political affiliations or aspects of raising children, their education or upbringing, self-discipline and self-improvement, and financial management should be considered and discussed.
When people share common core values, they tend to get along better. Whether it is about where you want to live, what you want to do, or how many kids you want – having a common ground helps cement your future. It is impossible to find someone who agrees with you all the time, but both should agree to work as a team for a happy and harmonious relationship.
4. Openness And Communication
Communication is key to any successful relationship. Someone who is expressive, transparent, and honest during conversations makes for a great partner. A free-thinking and open-minded person is forthright about their feelings, thoughts, and dreams, which gives you an insight into who they truly are. They are also open and receptive to feedback and easy to talk with.
Being open about thoughts and feelings and communicating help resolve misunderstandings without any bitterness. If you have a partner who listens and is willing to work on the issues, you have struck gold. Look for a partner with whom you can be comfortable sharing your insecurities and doubts – someone who is not judgmental or will use them against you later.
5. Chemistry And Intimacy
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Chemistry is what pulls two people together. This attraction builds up emotions and romance, which are crucial for a thriving relationship. Apart from physical attraction, sexual compatibility is another sign of good chemistry. Even the feeling of being comfortable around someone and the ease of communication indicates good chemistry.
Physical affection is an important part of life and a way to express love. Thus, it is important to find a partner who communicates or is compatible with you physically. If there is a disconnect between how you like to be loved and how they reciprocate, you may feel dissatisfied with the relationship.
Chemistry and physical affection build intimacy, makes you feel accepted and appreciated. So, make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
6. Honesty
Relationships need transparency, which comes when both can trust each other and be honest. Keeping secrets from each other is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later, the truth will come out and create a rift between you both.
If your partner is not honest and transparent, you may always live in doubt and insecurity. Even small white lies can build up over time and make you lose trust in your partner. Trust is the thread that binds a relationship and dishonesty can snap that thread instantly. Hence, look for a partner who is honest with you and whose words are backed by actions.
7. Good Sense Of Humor
“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.” – Joanne Woodward
Life has its ups and downs, and it helps to have a partner who will make you smile along the way. Humor creates immediate and stronger bonds. As long as you have a partner who can make you laugh, it gets easy to sail through whatever life throws your way.
To laugh together at silly things or have inside jokes makes your relationship special. Laughter elevates your mood and helps diffuse a tense situation. It is better to go through the motions of life with someone easy-going and fun.
8. Loyalty
Loyalty is a non-negotiable trait while looking for a life partner. It strengthens your emotional connection, and you will never have to worry about where you stand in the relationship.
Infidelity is a common relationship deal-breaker. You cannot trust a person who is not loyal and faithful. These two traits strengthen the bond and are crucial for a long-lasting relationship. Being loyal means your commitment to your partner never wavers, and your relationship is unbreakable. So, look for a partner who can commit to you.
Quick Tip9. Support And Understanding
We all crave acknowledgment and appreciation. A supportive partner is your biggest cheerleader, who pushes you to do better and helps bring the best out of you. They are the background support you need to live your life to the fullest and achieve your goals.
They are there to comfort you when things are not going your way. An encouraging partner will help you sail through the trials and tribulations of life. This makes life so much easier to deal with. You will never feel alone or overwhelmed when you have a supportive and understanding partner.
10. Independence
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A healthy relationship involves two independent people who have each other’s back. Relationships should not be co-dependent – even two independent people can share their lives and build strong and healthy relationships.
Look for a partner who is independent and allows you to be independent. Such people have a sense of autonomy, help establish a sense of self, understand and acknowledge your points of view (even if they do not agree), and develop your passions. Being independent emotionally and financially will boost your confidence and self-esteem.
Living with an independent person allows you to thrive on your own in the relationship, and you grow to love yourself. Allowing this space helps build realistic expectations to thrive and have a stable relationship. Moreover, such people are mature to handle life and all its complexities.
11. Common Interests
They say opposites attract, but it is the commonalities that keep two people together. Look for a partner who shares similar hobbies and interests with you. It can be anything ranging from skateboarding to playing scrabble. You will be spending a lot of time together, and you can develop and hone your skills together. This will spice up the dates and deepen the bond. A healthy competition between you both can keep the relationship interesting.
However, this does not mean you should avoid persons with different interests. Even a willingness to learn a new thing and acquiring a new hobby can keep you both interested in each other. As long as both of you are interested in each other’s interests – everything is fine.
12. Forgiveness
It is human to err. Everyone makes mistakes. Trust issues, insecurities, self-doubt, and jealousy can often lead us astray. It is not easy to forgive, but it is a trait that is required for a long-term relationship. That is why it is important to choose someone who believes in forgiveness and does not hold a grudge.
A forgiving partner always considers and has the willingness to repair or restore the relationship. Forgiveness requires emotional maturity, compassion, and deep love for the partner. Look for a partner who forgives when you apologize, when you realize your mistakes and repent.
13. A Sense Of Adventure
It feels good to have someone by your side who can keep the relationship interesting and full of surprises. Be it the small, interesting anecdote they share or the way they spark your interest by the things they do – we bet you will never have a dull moment.
A partner with a sense of adventure can make your life a learning experience. Such people believe in seizing the window of opportunity. With them, all you will gather are life experiences that will help you grow as a person. From taking up a new hobby to hopping on an aircraft and getting lost in a country where you do not speak the same language – they can help expand your mind and enrich your life. An interesting and adventurous partner will push you out of your comfort zone and widen your horizon.
14. The Ability To Disagree Constructively
Another important trait to look out for in a partner is their way of handling disagreements. Look for a partner who understands that relationships need to be nurtured and not broken at the first sign of trouble or incompatibility. If you both “agree to disagree,” then the relationship will sail smoothly.
All of us come with flaws and emotional baggage. We need a partner who can understand us and be with us as we work on ourselves. Thus, it is important to have a partner who is flexible and tolerant. That does not mean they compromise on their values, but they are emotionally mature to understand all perspectives.
15. Inspirational
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It is essential to have someone who inspires you to do better, someone who believes in your potential and motivates you. An inspiring partner can make you stronger and passionate.
Having someone with a positive attitude makes you want to wake up excited every morning and take on life and live to the full potential. They inspire you to discover yourselves and the world around you. Find a partner whom you admire and look up to. You can learn many traits from them, and together you can live a meaningful and fulfilling life.
16. Vulnerability
Look for a partner who is not afraid to be vulnerable in front of you. This shows that they trust you and want you in their life. Sharing your innermost thoughts closes the emotional gap and deepens the bond.
Supporting each other through insecurities and being non-judgmental is a great trait to have in a partner. They should be able to come clean about their vulnerabilities, fears, and anxieties without shame or embarrassment. This reinforces their trust and faith in you. Also, the ability to be vulnerable helps you be strong and overcome adversities as a team.
17. Strong Work Ethic
It is important to find someone with a strong work ethic. The same qualities often reflect in personal and financial aspects. Such people will go to any length to save their relationship. A hardworking partner will put effort into the relationship to make it stable.
They can manage their priorities, understand the importance of work and financial stability, and will not compromise on the quality of their social relationships. Being with such a person will also inspire you to be competent and efficient. Find someone who does not shirk responsibilities at work or home. They will be your partner as you build your life together.
18. Authenticity
If you cannot be your true authentic self with your partner, the relationship will not last. Authenticity helps you open up to your partner without any fear and constraints. It helps develop intimacy. So, it is essential to look for someone authentic and genuine – someone who is not afraid to be themselves.
In this digital world, we all hide behind our social media personas. It is easy to lose track of who you are as you keep following the latest trends or internet phenomena. That is why it is a blessing to have someone down-to-earth and grounded – a person who offers us a reality check when we get carried away.
19. Care And Empathy
Empathy is the precursor to belongingness, trust, and faith. It is the virtue that helps you feel deeply connected with your partner. An empathetic partner listens to you and is aware of your perspectives and emotions. They feel what you feel and genuinely care for you.
They put themselves in your shoes and try to understand as you struggle with the mixed bag of emotions. An empathic partner responds to your needs. Find someone who is kind, generous, and compassionate to people, children, and pets. They will always try to make life better for everyone around them.
20. Gets Along Well With Your Family
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Look for a partner who gels well with your family and friends. Your family is an integral part of your life, and your partner must get along well with them. A good partner who is serious about being a part of your life will accommodate and adjust to them when necessary. They will make an effort to know them, interact with them, and form genuine relationships and connections. It should never feel like you have to choose between your family and your partner.
21. Shared Life Goals
You should be able to visualize a future with your partner. The possibility of spending your life with them should excite you. You should have similar life goals and compatibility with your partner for a successful relationship. These goals can include big goals like your finances, dream house, lifestyle, and kids.
However, it does not mean you have to agree on everything. While you can agree on major and key areas and compromise a bit on the other areas, you should be able to find common ground and stick to it. This will help both of you to build a future together.
Infographic: 8 Positive Traits To Look For In A Partner
There is more to someone than just good looks. Factors like goals, interests, and the perspectives they share on life are equally important, if not more. To help you out, we have rounded up the top 8 traits you should keep in mind when looking for a partner. Check out the infographic below to know more!
Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team
If you are not out for casual dating and looking to settle down with your partner eventually, you must pay attention to the above 21 things in them. A person with a good character, who strongly believes in respect and kindness, should be an ideal choice. In addition, you should be able to communicate openly with them and share core values and chemistry. An independent and loyal person will make a great partner as they will treat you with honesty and understanding. Finally, they should also rate high on the scale of forgiveness, authenticity, and empathy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is a true partner?
A true partner is not someone who will only love you. The person needs to be your greatest support yet your biggest critic to help you grow in all aspects of your life.
What is an essential quality to look for in a partner?
You shouldn’t look for just one quality but focus on different values and factors in a person to be in a healthy relationship. Look for emotional maturity, and see if they are understanding, kind, empathetic, and loyal.
